Today was a hard day for Carson. He started crying about 5 minutes after he woke up and probably cried 20 times today. I don't know what the real issue was behind the crying, but at the moment there was never really a good reason to cry. He cried because he got syrup on his shirt, he cried because I came to get him at the gym just as they went outside, he cried because his friend did not want to sit beside him at lunch (then was very mean to his other friend who came to sit beside him to make him feel better), he cried because he spilled his apple juice, he cried because someone shot off a stomp rocket that was his. I think you are getting the picture.
Carson has always been prone to crying. But, today was really bad for him. This afternoon, we were outside playing with some friends. After he cried because he spilled his apple juice, one of them looked at him and said "Carson, you are a cry baby. Every day when I see you, you cry. So, to me that makes you a cry baby." You can imagine how well that went for him. (His mom was inside at the moment so she missed the entire scene) Being the great mom that I am, I pointed out that Carson's friend was right. He was crying without a good reason. A few minutes later his other friend was saying the same thing. I tried to get Carson to just tell them how it made him feel rather than crying. I told him they were calling him that because he was crying a lot. Even though I could see where they were coming from, it still made me sad to see him being called names.
So, how do you get a 4 year old to stop crying all the time without teaching him to bottle up his emotions? Last year at VBS, I had a conversation with a mom whose son was about 9. Her son is a crier too, and she was not encouraging in my hopes he will outgrow it. I very much remember her saying "once a crier always a crier." I know the family enough to know they would have worked on getting him over it. It really makes me feel like we are doing something wrong as parents.
At dinner he made a comment about how he would need to go live in a new house when his mommy and daddy died. Where did that come from and was that part of his problem today? I tried to talk to him about it tonight. I asked him why he thought he was crying so much today. I tried to get him to talk about how he felt when these thing happened to him. We talked about better ways to deal with the situations where he cried today. We prayed and asked God to help him deal with his emotions. (And asked for forgiveness for being mean to his sweet friend at lunch) He did not mention the mommy and daddy dying again so I did not bring it up. I really just don't know what to do for him.
I have thought about why this is important. Part of it is I just want to protect him. But, I also want him to fit in socially. But, is that all really important? Should I spend more time focusing on his spiritual development and not worry about the crying? Sometimes, parenting is just hard. It can be overwhelming to think about how much I could be messing my poor kids up as adults. Maybe we just all need to find a good counselor and lock in a good rate!
5 comments:
At some point, all of children will be either on Oprah or Dr. Phil!!!! :)
You are doing the best you can!!! :)
The phrase the blind leading the blind comes to mind -- know what I mean? :) I'd guess that the comment about ya'll dying has more to do with thinking about growing up than anything. If he mentions it again, you could point out that you and Jeff live in another house, but your parents haven't died. Or, you could point this out without the parents dying part. Be warned though, that set Ann Bennett to tears. She didn't want to grow up, leave home or leave her toys (even to go to college). Sometimes I think it is all about how tired my kids are when I have conversations. At night, they are so much more emotional. Hang in there. Keep trying to get him to talk about what he is feeling/thinking. Isn't that what we all need to learn? I've already decided that Bryant needs a wife who is willing and able to pull things out of him. He is just not willing/able to talke without lots of leading.
jacob is also very prone to cry. we even talked to his dr about it at his 18 month appt. she said he is just very sensitive, and we need to be sure and comfort him well if he has an 'owie' or something like that. i hadn't considered the possibility that it could last after toddler-hood though.
i don't think it's anything you're doing though. it's just how he was made, and you have to figure out how to work with it/get him through/over it.
Can you sign me up for the counselor thing, too!?!?! I *know* I'll need it!!
I don't have much right to say this because I'm the biggest worrier in town, but I wouldn't worry too much about Carson's crying. It sounds like you are doing the right thing to encourage him to express emotions in other ways (like words) rather than always crying...but I would say that crying preferable to hitting or something else. Even if he is always on the sensitive side (which isn't neccessarily a bad thing), he'll learn to stop crying all the time eventually. Carson seems to be a pretty socially well-functioning kid. He's got lots of friends and you've always exposed him to othr kids so that he knows how to play well. I wouldn't jump to any conclusions about long term issues!
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